So my girlfriend's not coming to my school because I don't have one anymore.

That is all.

~Lola
 

Lyrics

Omg, guys, omg.

So my boy Maltese, Chiquitin, went over to a girl Maltese's house for a, um, play date. She's sort of in heat, and we all sort of hope he gets her pregnant despite the fact that he really doesn't like girl dogs. Funny thing is, she's his sister.

If she does get pregnant, i might get another dog. Omg, right? Yeah. I want a girl this time so I can name her Princess Rose after my grandma, Rosa. (We'd just call her Rose though.) Maybe this dog would actually, I don't know, want to sleep in the same bed as me. Hahah. That'd be cute. I would be happy and not so ronery at night.

And we could put bows in her hair and aaah.

I'm too happy to talk about negative things, so I'll avoid that for now.

So my girlfriend and I hung out at the mall on Saturday. It was so cute. She's amazing. I really love her, y'know? Yeah. I could go on for hours describing her and her flawlessness. I'm even writing a song for her. I'm probably gonna be dumb and just name it after her, hahah.

Sunday was a cool party thing that I probably mentioned before. I liked it, although the chicken I ordered was... well, it wasn't spectacular. Oh well. I liked holding up my hobo signs.

Hm, that's about it, actually.

~Lola

Lyrics

So lately people have been asking me if I'm depressed. I have no idea why, they just... do. Regardless, it's royally bothering me because no one cares to explain why he or she is asking. All he or she says is "You look it." Hell, even the clinical director at my school asked me if I'm feeling down. After hearing it a shitload of times and knowing for a fact that one doesn't feel that way drives a person mad. And they all wonder why I snap at them when they asked.

You know what I want to do right now? Go outside at this hour, in this cold-as-hell weather, and scream to the world: "I'm fine! Leave me the fuck alone already!!"

Despite all that, however, I'm turning the tables around here. I want to ask you, my lovely readers, if I seem more depressed as of late, even if you don't know me in real-life or whatever. What I specifically want to know is, if you think so, why. I would really appreciate it.

Oh, and I want a snake. My friend says he'll give me his. All I have to do is beg the shit out of my mom....

~Lola
 

Lyrics

Wow, so Centenary was pretty awesome! I loved the campus and the Equestrian center and the people and the programs and everything! Wow! I don't know what else to say! Exclamation points are fun!!

Not only that, but I learned that that and a school know as Andrew College that I haven't looked up yet are the only two colleges that offer therapeutic riding certification. Y'know, lemme go look that Andrew place up now....

... It's in Cuthbert, Georgia. Oh my. Sounds like quite a trip, right? And, for some reason, I'm actually considering begging Mom or someone to take me there. I mean, it was fucking cold up in Hackettstown. I don't like the cold. Georgia sounds sort of warm. I like warm.

So I won't name names so I don't get in trouble, but someone who got suspended from school a few days ago is apparently coming back tomorrow. This is a kid I really, really don't like, so I'm not too happy about that. I mean, I told him straight up "I don't like you," yet he still points me out if my friends are asking for me and they don't know where I am. Now that pisses me off to no end. I don't want to associate with him, and I don't want him to associate with me. That means I want him to leave me alone no matter what. If I were dangling from a cliff and he was the only one who could save me, I'd rather fall to my death. Honestly. That's how much I don't like him. Urgh.

Tomorrow's picture day. (Thanks, kacicake, for reminding me.) I'm semi-excited. Well, I'm more tired as all hell than anything else. I should probably go to sleep, right? ... Right.

~Lola
 

Lyrics

I love my icon right now. It's my Halloween costume. I am going to dress up as Alphonse, Ze French Hobo. Epic, non? (Yeah, that other idea fell through. Wah.)

The party last night was pretty cool actually. I didn't feel as awkward as I thought I would've felt. See, I was there to basically protect my buddy from verbal attack. Thankfully, I didn't have to. There was White Castle and Lodi Pizza. Yummy stuff.

Lucinda came over today and we tested out my Samson Q7 microphone. Good stuff, lemme tell you. We also messed around with Vocodex, the new vocoder in FL Studio 9. The sample we used was her and I singing "Poker Face." It was amazing. I also helped her out with some History stuff and got paid ten bucks, which was pretty sweet.

I visit Centenary tomorrow. I'm... not as nervous as I thought I would be, actually.

~Lola

Lyrics

Yes, it is. And y'know what? I am.

As of October 7th, 2009, I have the most beautiful girlfriend. She's actually going to visit my school in about a week, which is amazing. Who knows? She might actually attend, too. That'd be... ah... beyond awesome. She said that, when she visits, if she ends up in the same lunch period, we're gonna hold hands! One, two, three.... Aww!!

Yesterday, I slept from 3:30PM to 12:30PM today. And it felt good. I'm well-rested and feel up to going to a party today. Thankfully, I have one scheduled. Isn't that convenient?

I actually have a domain name for my writing now! Yay!! Here's the link. I made the layout myself with a bunch of help from kacicake. Thanks, babe!! (Hah, babe.) Can you guys, my lovely readers, do me a favor and tell me how it looks on your browser? Kaci said it looked funky on hers, and I'd like a few other people's opinions on positioning and stuff. I'd appreciate it.

I'm visiting Centenary College in Hackettstown on Monday. To be frank, I'm a little nervous. It's my first time visiting a college, so I really don't know what to expect. Oh well, I suppose I'll have to deal. It's sort of a shame I had to change my hair again. My mom refused to take me if I kept my pink hair, so I went back to a brown that's relatively close to my original color. Check out how cute I am.



Yeah, some pink is still showing through, but I think it looks nice.

Hm, that's about it.

~Lola

Lyrics

Some interesting stuff has happened as of late.

The first thing is that my iPod gets really weird when I try to update it. Sometimes it updates normally, but those other times it doesn't and my music gets all deleted or something. It's weird as hell.

The second thing is that, on Thursday, I had a girlfriend for two hours. Yeah, that was kinda weird. It was that girl I was talking about before, the one who still loved her ex-boyfriend. Funny thing is that she asked me out and then dumped me. I haven't the slightest idea how that happened, and yeah, I have to say I was just a smidgen annoyed, but then I figured that, if we weren't gonna work out for two hours, how could we work out for a day? A week? Month, year? So yeah, I'm not annoyed any more even though Friday was awkward.

An awesome thing is that I met this girl on Facebook who might end up visiting my school in a couple of weeks. And she's gay. And she's really pretty and kind and thinks I'm cute. So yeah, I'm psyched about that even if we've only be talking for a couple of days. I mean, she seems really cool, and who knows what could happen? So yeah.

I'm also not going to be a zomibe puppy for Halloween. Nope, I'm gonna be a pimp dog. Yeah. Mom and I went to this new party/Halloween store about a week ago and we found this cool mask and sort of pieced the idea together along the way. It currently looks like crap, but yeah. I suppose it'll have to do.

I'm back into wanting to lose weight. I went to the doctor for my cold and found out it was actually my asthma acting up, but anyway, I got weighed and I lost two pounds in about a year. Pathetic, yes, but between that, someone telling me I'd be "hotter" if I was "lighter," and my desire to get into free running, the cousin of parkour, I figured I'd give the good ol' diet/exercise thing another shot. Maybe this time I'll actually exercise.... Well, I do wanna join a martial arts class outside of the program in my school, maybe Brazilian jujitsu, and with any luck I will. I mean, doing something involving my roots (My dad is/was 100% Brazilian) would be pretty cool.

Oh, and I have new hair now. Enjoy the picture while I go eat dinner. If I think of anything else, I'll... post it some other time, I guess.



~Lola

Lyrics

So hey, I've been okay, I guess. A couple of cool things have happened though:

I'm going to be a part of a Yume Nikki fan film originally organized by Lucinda and one of her friends. For those of you who don't know what Yume Nikki is, it's the best indie game ever. Look it up. Now. Anyway, not only am I in charge of putting the already thought-out soundtrack in order, I'm also going to be in the actual film, and their using my house as Madotsuki's house, which is pretty cool. I could tell you more about it... but I won't. Moohahah.

I also got Persona, a remake of the original for the PSP. So far, it's pretty awesome. I love the soundtrack. (Persona 3's soundtrack is kickin' too.) It's actually inspired me musically to continue on with my Leaf Glow project. I'm actually sort of working on a jungle/d'n'b track that I haven't named yet. It sounds pretty cool so far though.

Uh, let's see. School's alright, but I know it's going to be awkward tomorrow because I told this kid I really don't like from there off online, and he's most likely gonna be there. Plus, I don't know if he'd go to administration about it, and if he does, I'll be forced to apologize or something. I mean, he's enough of an asshole, more than an asshole actually, to go and do that. I hope he doesn't though. That's the last thing I need on my plate.

Besides all that... not much has happened. Oh well.

~Lola

Lyrics

So I'm still sick. Mom says it might be asthma despite the fact that I haven't had an attack in quite a while. I kinda hope she's right, and I really hope she schedules a doctor's appointment soon.

According to my mom and the people who take care of her, my grandma's not doing so hot. They say she... "slips back and forth," if you know what I mean. My philosophy is that she still has to do one more thing, take care of some unfinished business, before... going. I haven't slept in two days because I'm terrified that I'll wake up and she... won't... but I did crash on the couch today for about three-and-a-half hours. That means no sleep for me tonight.... I mean, I'm fine outside of my house. I went to the mall yesterday and had a great time. It's just, when I get home, all I want to do is sleep, so I do that the instant I get home because I'm nodding off in class, which is bad, but then that means I can't sleep at night and... it's a vicious cycle, I suppose. I haven't read Great Expectations, the book we're reading in English by Charles Dickens, in like, thee or four days. I don't say anything in class because I don't want to say something wrong. Physics is pretty confusing, too, but once again, I don't say anything because I'm too busy trying to focus, and that takes up all of my energy. Prepping for the Spanish CLEP test is really confusing me, and because the teacher's helping the Spanish III kids, I have little to no time with him. The two classes I'm cool with, Calculus and Psychology, are the ones I thought I'd be struggling in.... I guess my home environment is just... really affecting me, a lot more than it has been. Oh well. I can only remember that one Karen Horney quote:

"Concern should drive us into action, not into a depression."

~Lola

Lyrics

This is the best thing I've seen all day.

So yeah, anyway, I've been sick since Wednesday or Thursday, and I'm only getting worse. My throat pain went away for the most part, but it hurts to breathe, let alone to cough my lungs out like I've been doing ever since I caught my mom's cold. Dammit, Mom.

I've been playing my copy of Pokémon Platinum a lot recently. I put my Super Smash Bros. Brawl project on hold to raise random Pokémon up, including my not-so-random favorite Pokémon, Ninetales. (I'm in the process of hatching a Timid-natured Vulpix with Energy Ball.) My original Trainer character, Garnet, began with a Vulpix, Emi, whom she eventually made evolve, which is why I think I'm going to raise a female Ninetales in honor of her starter and keep her as one of the six Pokémon I battle with. Her rival, another character of mine named Jasper, started out with a male, Western-style Shellos nicknamed Smiley who evolved into a Gastrodon, so I might flesh out teams for him too. I'm thinking of creating region-based teams (Kanto, Johto, Hoenn, and Sinnoh) in addition to type- and strategy-based teams for both Garnet and Jasper, but each region-based team will have Emi the Ninetales and Smiley the Gastrodon depending upon whose team it is.

My senior year's alright so far. I have to do some English and Psycology homrwork before the day is through. Let's hope I actually do it.

~Lola

Lyrics

So today I learned that my grandma died yesterday. She's in the hospital right now, alive, but according to my mom, she slipped away for about a minute until she was saved by the woman who works with us and her oxygen tank.

I wish she would tell me these things instead of my finding out myself. She was talking on the phone with my godmother, and I overheard their conversation. Apparently her best friend is more trustworthy than her own daughter.

~Lola

Lyrics

So I told that girl about how I felt, and she was really nice about it. She let me down easy, but then again, I knew it was gonna happen, and I sort of needed it to happen. See, I have a tendency to fall for/crush on/be attracted to one of four types of girls...

One! The psycho bitches who like to make my life and the lives of every person I associate with hell.
Two ! The clingy girls who freak out when I don't answer an IM or the phone right away because I just happen to be away from the laptop/my cell, and then they keep IMing/calling/texting me thinking that'll bring me back and I'll actually want to talk to them when I return.
Three! A combination of one and two.
Four! The one I can't have, not even for a little while.

... and she's a four, of course.

I mean, she and I are still cool. (I hope, I mean, I bought her a cookie today, so we'd better be cool, Goddamn it. Hahah.) I don't blame/hate her or anything. I just kinda wish I was better with this stuff. At least the new teacher's associate at school has a nineteen-year-old sister who's gay. She said she'll show me a picture sometime. That secretly makes me giddy, even though this chick (The sister, not the associate) is a four, too.

When I got home from school today, I found out my grandma was sent to the hospital because she allegedly had a stroke, and her blood pressure went way down. I'm not sure when Mom left the house, but she's not home yet. This is a nice helping of rocky mashed potatoes on my plate, isn't it? Oh well. That's life, I suppose.

I'm gonna go play my guitar now. I had a pretty sweet melody going before.

~Lola
 

A pic of the final tattoo. (Seriously this time.)



Anyway, today was a so-so day, bordering on bad. I semi-broke down in group over my therapist going on maternity leave again (She left my freshman year, too) and my grandma having to use an oxygen tank at night. I was actually really embarrassed about crying because I felt like I was hogging time, and to be honest, I don't really talk to other people besides my therapists about my issues. When I do, I'm pretty vague about what's going on.

I can't lie, I'm sort of mad at my therapist. Of course, I don't think I could ever tell her that to her face. When she told me, I said "Fuck you," but then I told her I was joking. I don't have the heart to tell her... and that makes me feel terrible for some reason. As for my grandma, well, she's had this cold for a really long time. I'm not sure if that's why she needs the tank or anything, but regardless, it's upsetting as hell.

Another thing is that I'm interested in this girl, a different girl than before. It turned out I had no chance with the previous one, so I kinda dropped that. ... Well, I have no chance with this new girl either, but I can't just let it go for some reason. It's weird, sort of like how I felt for someone else when I got rejected by her. I mean, she eventually asked me out, but that's not the point. Hm. Maybe that's why I can't just let go of my interest this time. I'm subconsciously thinking there's hope or something, I guess. Either that or it's 'cause we have a lot in common and, I don't know, to me, she seems interested too despite the impossibility. I wouldn't know though. I often mix friendly feelings with other feelings.

With any luck, I'm gonna go to Lucinda's art show tomorrow. I'm pretty excited, and yet I have this terrible feeling that I'm not gonna be able to make it....

~Lola
 

This is a picture of it almost done. I think I deleted the one where it's 100% done, so this'll have to do for now.

~Lola
 

Lyrics

... What? This song's catchy.

Anyway, I'm so damn happy, I could shit my pants. No, this isn't a mood swing you be concerned about.

I'm going to get a tattoo. the rose for my grandmother on my neck, tomorrow. Or, at least, I think it's going to be tomorrow. My brother's brother who is in no way related to me (He's my half-brother's half-brother) is gonna do it. He's only done a couple, but I've seen his work, and he's amazing. Just figured I'd let you guys know. As usual, expect pictures.

My mom also bought me a new iPod today, the silver, 120 GB Classic because my Touch is all cracked and shit, even though it still works. She didn't have to, but I really appreciate it. Not only that, but one of the women who work with my grandparents' sister is a designer, and she'll help me with the zombie dog costume. She also talked to a friend or distant relative of ours, the one who got the sewing machine, and she says she'll teach me, so yeah, I forgive her. Hahah.

Today was a good day.

~Lola

Lyrics

My mom sold... no... gave away my sewing machine, y'know, the one I didn't even get to use. And she says she's not buying another one. Her logic for getting rid of it? "The person who I gave it to would've had to buy a used one, and you weren't using it anyway."

Uh, first of all, who cares if she had to buy a used one? She was going to have one in her possession anyway. Now I don't. As for my never using it, I was waiting for Lucinda to come over and teach me since she makes awesome clothes and costumes and stuff, which is what I wanna do. Oh well. Looks like Halloween 2009 is either delayed indefinitely or not going to happen at all, and I really wanted to be a zombie puppy. Now I have to buy a costume from Party City or the Halloween Adventure, which is opening up in Edgewater on the 13th (I might get a job there, too), or something and be unoriginal like everyone else.

Oh well. That doesn't top sitting on dog poop that was somehow in the back of my friend's mom's car yesterday. I have no idea how the fuck that happened. But I'm not going to get into that.

Wow, two FMLs in two days. That sucks for me.

In order to try and make myself feel better, I'm going to talk about my newest cartoon character, Richard, AKA "Radioactive Richie." He's an American Black Bear who, after a freak accident, became radioactive. Now he's bald save for a few patches of hair, drools toxic sludge, and has the radioactivity symbol branded around his right eye. Don't worry though, he's still cute. ... Or  I think so, at least.

Okay, that's it. Peayce. (The "y" makes it cool.)

~Lola
 

"Gentlemen" Lyrics

Hey, sorry about not posting for a little while. I suppose a +/- list is in order!

+ The first week of school was amazing!
+ The girl I like is in one of my classes!!
- She says she still loves her ex-boyfriend...
+ ... but there's still a chance, I hope.
+ If not, that's okay.
+ With any luck, I'm gonna see her tomorrow and help her with a garage sale.
+ Psychology is an epic class.
+ I had my first driving alone adventure a couple of days ago! I went to Barnes And Noble and ordered a CLEP Spanish book and bought an awesome book on tattoos.
+ My drawings are really improving!

Wow...8+/1-. Win.

~Lola

"The Swiss Army Romance" Lyrics

I think I like someone.

That is all.

~Lola

"Break Stuff" Lyrics

Gaiafags are crazy. Seriously.

I logged on after being inactive for quite a while and started talking to a friend I had on there for a while. We eventually exchanged MSN information. It was in an IM that she told me she had a little crush on me. I was flattered and decided to, hey, y'know, try it out. After all, she seemd pretty nice. She started calling me "princess," which was cute, I guessed. We exchanged cell numbers then and there so we could text each other. Good idea, right?

Hell-to-the-no, sir. Worst idea ever.

First of all, if I didn't text her back in two minutes, she would ask me if something was wrong and if I was mad at her. That always pisses me off regardless of who it is. Secondly, the "princess" thing got really annoying really fast considering it was every other word she used. Its cuteness wore off after maybe the fifth or sixth text. Then, she told me she was in love with me, which was perhaps the creepiest thing that'd ever happened to me. She doesn't, and never will be able to get to, know me. At all. Finally, while I was sleeping today, she texted me over ten, maybe over fifteen times. It was sickening. It's almost as, if not more, disturbing than the three-hundred-pound thirty-four-year-old who lives down the street who desperately wants to bang me.

Oh, by the way, this girl's in college. You'd think she'd be busy with her schoolwork or something, right? Nope, she was devoted to drive me up the wall until I had to tell her off in a four-message text. Thank God she hasn't replied to it. If she does... dear God, I don't know what I'll do. Block her number? Yeah, I like that idea.

On an entirely different note, I decided to make a new account for my writing because the one username seemed pretty... unprofessional. So, say hello to lolawaters. Watchplz.

I'm gonna go be a bitch somewhere else.

~Lola